


The Curious Case of Crowley the Catnapper

by bananaquit



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Animal Neglect, Gen, M/M, Multi, Pet Theft, South Downs Cottage (Good Omens), please see the note for additional content warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:15:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26423236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bananaquit/pseuds/bananaquit
Summary: Cat comrade Crowley performs some vigilante justice.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 21





	The Curious Case of Crowley the Catnapper

**Author's Note:**

> in this fic crowley steals someone's outdoor cat and it becomes crowley and aziraphale's indoor cat. they discuss why letting cats roam free outdoors is harmful to the environment and to the cat (how the cat could get sick/injured/killed). they also muse about humanity's general environmental destruction and potential to survive it. this fic is very heavily anti-outdoor cat. if any of the above bothers you i would recommend you not read it.

Aziraphale huffed and set down his empty mug. It was dark out and Crowley _still_ hadn’t returned home to their cottage from whatever it was he was doing. Really, what could he possibly be up to at this hour?

Aziraphale heard the sound of the door opening and closing and looked up. 

Dangling from Crowley’s arms was a massive, fluffy orange tabby. 

“Crowley!”

“What?”  
  
“What are you doing with Ginger from down the lane?"

“Dunno yet.” Crowley dropped Ginger on the floor. He landed easily on all four paws and started sniffing around his new surroundings. 

“ _Crowley!_ You can’t just… _catnap_ other people’s animals!”  
  
“‘S hardly their animal, though, is it? If they’re just letting it roam all over the place. I mean, no collar, no microchip... Not like it really belongs to them at this point. Practically qualifies as a stray.”

“You stole the Abbotts’ cat, Crowley!”  
  
“Ehhhh, I wouldn’t call it stealing… more like removing a nuisance. 'Sides, you were _just_ complaining about all the yowling last night."

"Yes, but-"

"Look at that. Not even fixed!"

"Oh, good Lord."

"Going to be another litter of caterwauling kittens around soon if he's left to roam."

"And what exactly do you propose we do with him?"

Crowley crouched down next to Ginger. "I just... couldn't stand to see him wandering out there any longer. It's not warrior cats out there."

"Warrior cats?"

"Book series I read to Warlock for bedtime stories. Organized cat society. Also lots of cats killing each other. Violently. But that's besides the point."

"That explains those wretchedly gruesome games of pretend he tried to get me to play."

"Anyway," Crowley said, reaching out to pet Ginger's head. "Could eat something from my garden and get sick, could get carried off by a bird… dangerous out there. Not to mention all the animals he's probably killing. Same types of humans who think it's alright to let their cat run wild are the same types who have absolutely zero environmental awareness. Humans don't know how to take care of anything. Can't take care of a cat, let alone a whole planet. Going to cause global destruction all by themselves without Heaven or Hell even getting involved." Crowley sat back with a huff. 

"Do you think they'll turn things around in the end? Truly realize the track they're on and work towards a more sustainable existence?"

"They know the track they're on. Just a matter of them _doing_ something about it. They're wonderfully cruel and kind and clever, humans. I'd give them a 50/50 chance. There's a bunch of them out there who know better. Fighting for things that really matter. The ones who named this one, though," Crowley pointed to the cat. "Don't have the imagination. Ginger. Not even a creative name. Could have named him anything and they picked Ginger."

The cat jumped up, settled down on Aziraphale's lap, and began to purr.

"You know," said Aziraphale. “I think he seems like a Diablo." 

"Yeah," said Crowley, smiling. "I think he does."


End file.
